Age Old Question
Author: Jen W.
Summary: A drunken Buffy and Willow contemplate the age
old question. Boxers or briefs?
Pairing: None, however slight B/G subtext
Rating: PG-13 mild swearing, and mentioning of underwear, underage drinking, and a slight reference to marijuana use.
Timeline: Season 4, after Spike moves into his crypt.
Spoilers: Anything through season 3.
Disclaimer: Buffy and the entire Buffyverse belongs to Joss Whedon, ME, the WB, etc. I'm just having a little bit of fun with them.
Note: here it is, my first Buffy the Vampire Slayer fic. Sillyfic. Also I'd like to give a special thanks to my beta, Gileswench.
Age Old Question
It had been a long night for some of the students of UC Sunnydale. It had been a night filled with drinking, dancing, and other forms of debauchery. All of which took place at the Kappa house about a mile from campus. It was one of their bi-weekly parties; this particular party was celebrating the fact that it was Thursday.
It didn't end until the wee-hours of the morning, when the cops finally broke it up. Nobody really knew for sure what time it was, every clock in the house was broken, and the amount of alcohol consumed was proportional to the party goers sense of time. In other words, many of them had drunk enough so that they didn't know what day it was, let alone the hour.
For one slayer and one witch, however, the party ended when they decided to go visit their favorite tweed wearing watcher, who for some reason hadn't been wearing much tweed as of late, but that's a different story. So Buffy and Willow leave the party and set off on foot; which is how several residence of Sunnydale could hear their constant giggling at a quarter to three in the morning, as they walked the residential streets.
"Boxers," Willow answered.
"How can you be so sure?" Buffy asked her more than slightly inebriated roommate.
"Oh, please Buffy, Xander and I have been bestys since we were five. I've spent countless nights at his house. He's a boxers guy." She told an equally drunk Buffy as they weaved down the sidewalk towards their favorite watcher's house. "Spike?"
"Briefs," Buffy answered confidently. "His pants are just way too tight to fit a pair of boxers underneath comfortably."
"How do you know?" Willow giggled. Buffy swatted her arm playfully. "Ow, watch the slayer strength."
"Sorry Will," Buffy said.
"Wesley?" Willow asked.
Buffy crinkled her nose. "Eew."
"You know Buffy, Wesley really wasn't bad looking, sure the suits did nothing for his shape, and he was kinda stuffy, but he was kinda cute." Willow pointed out.
"Willow! He was not cute, and even if he was, it was completely overshadowed by his insufferable stuffiness." Buffy said, pointing her finger into the air as if to emphasize her point.
"To each his own I guess." Willow sighed. "But I'm still going to guess briefs."
"Eew, please scratch out my eyes, I did not want that mental image." Buffy said, and then proceeded to collapse in a fit of giggles. Willow just grabbed her friend's arm and dragged her off the ground, almost falling down herself.
"Buffy, is it really safe for us to be out here?" Willow asked, looking around, searching for any lurky creatures.
"Of course, I'm the slayer," Buffy said, not sounding too convincing with her slurred speach, but puffing her chest out slightly in an act of what, in a sober slayer, may have passed as dominance.
"Yes, but we're both slightly inb-inerb in-e-bri-a-ted." Willow pronounced carefully.
"Good point, we should hurry." Buffy said picking up a little more speed, at the cost of some of her stability as she nearly tripped over a patch of crab grass growing out of a crack in the sidewalk.
The duo walked the rest of the two blocks to Giles' house, stumbling and giggling incessantly. When they got there they did something that, for them, was out of character. They knocked; Buffy had started knocking when she came by at late at night or early in the morning, after the Olivia incident. Willow was just too drunk to remember that they usually just barge right in as if they own the place.
Giles answered the door a moment later; a surprised look crossed his face at seeing who was at his door at the ungodly hour of three a.m. His glasses were in his left hand after having cleaned them with his handkerchief before opening the door.
"Buffy, Willow, what a lovely surprise." Giles said, stepping aside so they could walk past him and into his condo. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" The watcher asked as he followed them into his living room, as they took a seat on his couch. He took a seat off to their right.
"Willow and I were talking and we realized that we hadn't seen you in hella days so we decided to visit you." Buffy explained.
"At three in the morning?" Giles asked shaking his head slightly. "And although we haven't spent nearly as much time together as we used to when we had the library, I wouldn't say that it's been 'hella days' as you so eloquently put it." Giles said. "I just saw you this morning, or rather, yesterday morning."
"Yeah, but that was 'Research' Giles, we were talking about 'Giles' Giles." Willow said happily, her eyes slightly glazed. Giles put on his glasses and took a closer look at them.
"Are you two drunk?" he asked, only slightly shocked. Well slightly shocked in Buffy's case, very shocked in Willow's.
"No!" Buffy denied quickly. "Maybe just a little buzzed, I mean it was a frat party, but really we didn't drink all that much, we only had a couple of drinks." Buffy said. Giles looked at her with his 'you might as well tell me because you're not fooling anybody' look. "Okay, so we may have also had a few jello-shots." She amended.
"And you walked all the way over here in that state?" Giles asked.
"I'll have you know that I'm only slightly tipsy. Those vamps would still be dust." Buffy said pulling a bong out of her jacket. Giles' eyes widened. "Hey, that's not my stake. What is this thing anyway?" Buffy asked as she passed it to Willow, who looked at it with a blank stare, before setting it on the table in front of her.
"Tipsy? Buffy, you and Willow are both completely pissed." He said.
"I'll have you know, that I've been informed by several people that I'm a very happy drunk," Buffy huffed.
"No Buffy, pissed means- never mind." Giles sighed; not bothering to tell Buffy that 'pissed' is slang for 'drunk', in England. Giles got up and headed for the kitchen. "I'm making you two some bloody coffee to help sober you up." He called over his shoulder.
"Eew, Giles, I know Spike was living here for a while but I'm the slayer. I don't like blood in my coffee." Buffy said, misinterpreting him. Willow giggled.
Giles shook his head. "Bloody colonials, can't even hold
their liquor." He muttered; his cool British demeanor and cultured accent slipping as he got more tired.
Buffy leaned over to whisper in Willow's ear. "Giles?" She asked.
"What about Giles?" She asked whispering not as quietly as she thought.
"Boxers or briefs?" Buffy asked.
Willow thought for a moment putting a thumb and index finger on either side of her jaw. "Briefs," she answered.
"Really?" Buffy asked, again whispering, but being drunk not realizing her whispering was quite loud, in fact loud enough that from the kitchen, Giles was hearing almost every word she said. He froze and listened closer. "I was thinking boxers," Buffy said. "I mean, come on, recently he's been Mr. Joe Casual."
"Yeah, but he's still like, old and stuff." Willow countered. "And he's all stuffy and British."
"He's not that old." Buffy said. "Plus, I just don't see him as the type to wear constricting underwear."
Giles' eyes widened. Are they seriously discussing my underwear? Giles asked himself, not quite believing his ears. He looked down at the cup of coffee he was pouring, cursing as it overflowed the side of the cup. "Damn."
"You okay in there, Giles?" Willow asked, and then giggled as Buffy said something in her ear.
"Y-yes, just spilled some coffee." He stuttered. He quickly cleaned up the mess and brought two mugs of coffee out to the living room and handed one to Buffy and the other to Willow. Both of whom were looking at Giles' derriere as he bent to sit down, he caught their gaze.
"What are you two staring at?" He asked, knowing perfectly well, what their eyes had still yet to stray from.
"Hmm?" Buffy asked, as she and Willow took sips of their coffee. He sighed.
"How's the coffee?" He asked her.
"Mmm, good." Willow said appreciatively.
"Yup, extra points to the watcher for the tasty java pick-me-up." Buffy said between sips.
"Good," Giles said before getting up and heading to the closet, he grabbed a couple of blankets and pillows. Willow and Buffy watched him as he walked over to the closet and came back to the couch, gesturing for them to get up.
"There is no way I'm letting you two walk back to your dorm this drunk, on the Hellmouth. I'll pull out the couch and you can stay here tonight." He told them. "Especially since instead of walking over here with a stake in your pocket, you were carrying around a bong." He said, and kept lecturing them on the dangers of drinking on the Hellmouth. They, however, didn't hear a word of it.
They tried the entire time, he was pulling the couch into a bed, but for the life of them they could not find any underwear lines. Giles could feel their eyes staring at his rear, but was too tired to care.
As they climbed under the covers Giles reached over to turn off the lamp. They started staring at him again. He sighed, "If you have a question, just ask it."
"Boxers or briefs?" Buffy asked him before she knew what she was saying. She clapped her hand over her mouth, as Willow looked over at her in amused shock.
Giles' smile curved upwards, as a mischievous grin graced his face. "Neither," he answered. "Now, goodnight, both of you. I'll see you in the morning." He said, retreating up the stairs to his loft.
"Goodnight," they both said absently.
Willow turned on her side to face Buffy. "Neither. Does that mean he doesn't-"
"Uh huh." Buffy answered, still in shock. "Goodnight Will."
"Goodnight Buffy," Willow said. She paused before asking Buffy a question. "Buffy do you think we'll remember this in the morning?"
"God I hope so." She answered sleepily.
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